Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
