dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
