no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
