Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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