Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize