We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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