By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
