Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
