He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
