I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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