I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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