There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
