I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
