I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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