I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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