The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
