in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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