Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
