The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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