Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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