i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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