I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
