Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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