I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he shaved USA in his pubs
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
