i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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