her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
