If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
