hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
