Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
