Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
