I think I died a long time ago.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
