its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
