just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize