I could make wine with my vomit
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
