I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize