How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
