exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think my fart just growled at me.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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