My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
