he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
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