the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
