party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
