Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
