I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
