So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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