Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
