As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
