This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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