I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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