just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
