he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
