So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We need to get me chipped asap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
