You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
