Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
