His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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