I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I could fuck to npr.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize