Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
