i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
