My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize