when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
