My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
is wine microwaveable?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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