hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
