Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
please don't ironically join a cult
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
