just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
