You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
