she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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