The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
