I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
this beer tastes like vomit already
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize