you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
