so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
