We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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