my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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