you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
