If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
