I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
