As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
