Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
