Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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