Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
