Well douche your snatch and let's go!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
