I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize