1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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