i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
