It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
