I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
